The Key of Awesome - E.T. V.D. [tekst, tłumaczenie i interpretacja piosenki]

I get more ass than a toilet seat
Cops let me sing in the fuckin' street
My life is an endless buffet of hoes
I been pimpin ever since my voice got low
Christmas is a time for charity
So Ima let ya sit somewhat close to me
I could be partying with hookers and blow
Instead I'm here with you on the down low
With you, slumming with you
Hey you, you're only a two
Ewwww We're dating on the down low maybe
You don't need that seat in front of the fire
You can stay warm with your spare tire
I don't know why your self esteem is low
Be sure to duck down if we see my bros
My Christmas list has a wish to make you cuter
Just like the chicks that work down at hooters
Here comes one now girl you got to go
No wait stay here and hold the mistletoe
Eww I stepped in some poo
Would you scrape off my shoes? They're new
You look like you're going to throw up
(watch the Jordans yo)
Jesus was born in a barn
Would you get out and push the car?
We're making a left on to the interstate
Why do you complain so much
Your butt looks big with that crutch
Don't forget we're going dutch
Did I mention that it's Christmas
I can't decide which girl I like best
Maybe I should have you fight to the death
I know I don't treat you like I should
But I send you an autograph and it's all good
You are not the girl that I prefer
When I go out with her you can be the chauffer
Here comes the turn, hey where did you go?
I never really learned to drive oh nooooo
That was totally rude
Who are you? paternity suit? I'm screwed
Lets keep this on the down low, baby
Hello Hello How do you make the phone call someone back?
What would Aqua man do in this situation?