Hezza-T - Grief [tekst, tłumaczenie i interpretacja piosenki]

Grief

These feeling are strange , Feeling betrayed
My life as been Frey and display many different ways
Thoughts stray to days, I get lost in like a maze
But I'm amazed at how Im no longer affraid
I'm not okay, no words to say
Trying to portray
My strength so I can stay
I even May try and start to pray
I used to go to Christian camps for a bit
But if I prayed to God he would know It wasn't legit
Just a mechanism to try and cope with it
Why am I worried about him, he doesn't exist
People ask me if I'm alright
And offer to stay with me tonight
Or if theres anything that id like
But nothing they can do can make this right
I appreciate the sentiment
But forgive me if I'm hesitant
Trying to figure out what's relevant
And what's for your own embellishment
Tell me to release emotion
But I'm not doing it as a token
Let you all see that I am choking
So you see my heart gaping open
Because I'm a man so I cannot cry
Even though everyone says it's alright
I won't even allow myself to do it at night
When I'm alone and hold my covers tight
I'm suffocated
And this frustration is turning into hatred
Conversations leave me berated
As this life has left me ill fated
I've started thinking lately life's not worth living
Tell me have you ever have these feelings
Because I'm really contemplating leaving
I just feel that I need freeing
I'm caged like my pent up rage
Because the monster inside get stronger everyday
I'm not sure that I can keep him at bay
And I'm affraid of the rage being sprayed the wrong way
At people who care about me the most
At the people who I care about the most
But Even though these feeling don't show
They all still seem to jump down my throat
They've caged me
Because they're the reason I haven't left already
But I really think I'm almost ready
Because the weight in my heart is too heavy
Thoughts keep me in box, put in my own schema
Sick of this world even with no fever
Willing to leave even though I'm not a believer
Hit me head on like a blunt force trauma
I feel like I dieing from internal bleeding
You'll understand my pain if you get the double meaning
Just want to be alone, even in the evening
To let the pain wash over me and in seep in
And maybe some will wash out
The quite kid, all I want to do is shout
Was kind now I want to knock people out
Was sweet now leave a sour taste in your mouth
Testosterone means I'm all alone
Throw my phone at the wall and leave a hole
So no one can ask anymore
A question I’ve already been asked before
The next person who ask if I'm alright
Better be prepared for a fight
With a psycho path wielding a knife
Trying to end both their lives
I know you have good intentions
But I feel like I'm in detention
And did I fail to mention
The words causing this tension
My mums dead
The words on repeat in my head
The words that will never sink
No matter how may times they’re said
Can barely say the words out loud
Who’s supposed to look after me now
I just hope I don't start spiralling down
Become so weak I can't get up from the ground
But after all is said and done
I've lost my mum
My only one