You know, recently man..
I hit the lowest point of my fuckin' life
I became consumed entirely, and went completely fuckin' insane
So i figured what else to do but to write about it
Let it inspire me a bit
So that's what i did and now i got something to say
This my real life, straight verses; no fucking chorus
So come explore it, love me for it; or judge me for it
I layed in bed, flickin' smokes in an open piss bottle
I dropped like 20 pounds in a week, going through withdrawals
I always said addictions a flaw of the weak
Obviously, my addiction; it was stronger than me
Cause man I hit rock bottom heavy, fuckin' hard
My mother said she found me convulsing and held me in her arms
My love left me at my worst point, bailed when I fell
Last words to me, I should be ashamed of myself
That last week of my demise, the damn needles I took a thousand
Would you have come to my funeral and put me down then?
I almost died multiple times in a week
So how can you live with yourself when youre tryna sleep
To know I could be so close to dying, lying in peace
Would you still just think of yourself, if I was deceased?
And yeah I got aggressive in my blackout state
And I ain't saying now that that's okay
We were so in love, romancin
You refused to give me another chance then
What happened to your best quality, being understandin'
I love you.. you're hating me
It crushed me, than it bugged you; people judged you for datin' me
Now it's no forgiveness for a past side i've shown to women
With you, you know its different; you should stick to your own opinion
Our only time together on house arrest, hate this shit
There's supposed to be so much more to this relationship
Can't even look in a fucking mirror to see my face in it
I've sat in the dark with a knife to my throat; craziness
And still, you would try to mess with me
You really wanna push it, with my suicidal tendencies
If I died, would you cry, why are you and I enemies
I press my palms into my eyes and picture you beside me endlessly
You hated my females fans, so you were jealous; fuck it
Your the first I ever trusted, there for; fell in love with
You're perfect, I was just addicted to this hellish substance
You are correct though, I am completely self destructive
And I'm sorry, it'd never happen again
My minds gone for that span of time, dont know what was happening then
If I was that crazy baby, id be glad I was dead
I'm sorry you said you felt like you'd never see your family again
And I don't blame you
You were great, you should be proud
What I was going through, its insane you could put me down
Exes that i've ruined and crushed, have called to see I'm movin' up
When you ain't even asked me how I'm fuckin' doin once
And I hear what youre saying, close ear to the ground
When I needed you most, you nowhere to be found
If you really were my girl, you woulda been supportive
With true love its true love, you shouldn't have to force it
Cause I believed in you, my heart fuckin' bleeds for you
Where the fuck is your precense, when I really fuckin' needed you
Towards the end, drugs removed my soul
I am embarrassed you were there to see me lose control
So were you the love of my life, or just some stupid ho
I guess now youre just somebody that I used to know
For now, but i will be back
And i am across the country bettering my life
I transferred my conditions here
And you know i'm bettering my life
And dont let people get inside your head and convince you
Cause i'm such a fuckin' terrible person that i must have been terrible to you and tricked you
You know me as an amazing man cause that's exactly what i was to you straight up. i love you. i miss you. and now the whole world knows i'm sorry
And this ones for my dawg man
As an ex addict, bruce when I met you; you was clean as a judge
No reason for drugs, and surrounded yourself with people you love
When we first started to click, yeah we partied a bit
Who knew we'd reach that point where it'd be harder and harder to quit
The first night I met your brother, keeps replaying with me
The character I embodied was smooth, I was dangerous see
The genius on drugs, so cool you was hanging with me
He didn't know that I influenced you negatively
So when he seen us chillin, we was kings; he was proud
It breaks my heart to think of what he probably thinks of me now
So with this I'm just reflectin', I'm constantly recollectin
I got a younger brother too bruce, but you never met him
And he seen my darkness, and I dont got any good left
But even then he still wanna be following in my footsteps
And i've betrayed em all, people that love me to my core
My sisters always had my back, she doesn't anymore
So I look at my arm, and the marks and needle penetration
Cause the people who fuckin' love me, it leaves them devastated
I guess we both got worse when you was outta control
But then I was sittin' in prison bro, so how could I know
And going through withdrawls in a prison cell, livin' hell
I know that feeling of pain when you really wish you could kill yourself
I accepted it happened, be there a long time
They say every dog gets its day, I guess I got mine
I hit my house arrest, bail; lucky I know
When we spoke some time later, it's been crushin my soul
I love you hollo, bruce I always got love for you bro
That was the last thing I said as I fuckin' hung up the phone
Found out the next day, enraged; smashing walls
25, too young for a fuckin' man to fall
I wish I said something more when you hadda called
A fuckin hour later and you were dead in a bathroom stall
Why do we just enjoy it? why do we love the posion?
You shoulda went out on a throne bro, not a fucking toilet
My blood is boiling at the thought of it bruce
You give yourself too much credit for how your tolerance grew?
When you feelin' low on life, and needed that confidence boost?
I'll take lines in your name, if they say it's what you wanted to do
And I never understood, but as of recent I knew
Cause I was a needle or two away from being with you
And I'm sorry for the times that I was freakin' out when you were with me
Specially that time I lost my mind while driving through the city
I wanted to honor your memory, and swear off shootin' quickly
A year past I'm still doing the same shit, bruce forgive me
I almost had my body into soft dirt
I swore i'd get better, but homie it got a lot worse
And I was in that same weak place, so I couldn't fight for you
At your memorial, high on the same shit that took your life from you
I guess your father blamed me to people at the bar
I didn't hear it directly, its like I seen it from a far
I told whatevski, there was something that I needed from his car
I cried for you brother and stuck another needle in my arm
I know I know its fucked up ain't it
Friends dont know how to help, so that subject changes
My parents is embarrassed is an understatement
It's just amazing I can function with all the drugs ive taken
But yo; im gonna stop though bruce, I ain't ready to die yet g
Through your friendship and your death, it's inspired me
I need to wake the fuck up now man, find my dreams
Conquer goals, and become everything we said we'd try to be
The tat of your names on the ribs on my side
So to know i'll keep you close to my heart, that fills me with pride
And I know I'm not responsible, but I'm guilty inside
Cause I know if you never met me, bruce; you'd still be alive
