(I always dreamed the boy I love would come along
And he'd be tall and handsome, rich and strong
Now that boy I love has come to me
But he sure ain't the way I though he'd be)
(A smoky, overdecorated cocktail lounge and nightclub on Queens Boulevard. Sergio Franchi is in full voice on the jukebox. It is after midnight. It has been a long night. Balloons and empty glasses litter the place. BILLY BATTS, a 50-year-old hood in an out-of-date suit, holding court at the bar. We see a younger, more sharply-dressed Hood walk in with a beehive girl friend and hug Batts.)
BATTS
Vito!
HOOD
Welcome home, Batts.
BATTS
Sit down. Have a drink. Give them all a drink. And give those Irish hoodlums a drink.
(We see three other men, including HENRY HILL and JAMES CONWAY, standing near Billy Batts at the bar, raise their glasses in salute.)
CONWAY
There's only one Irishman here.
BATTS
It's a celebration.
CONWAY
Top of the morning to you.
BATTS
It's good to be home.
HOOD
Welcome back.
(TOMMY DEVITO and another beehive blonde enter. Billy Batts looks up and sees Tommy.)
DEVITO
This is my friend Jimmy...Henry. It's his joint. This is Lisa.
BATTS
Hey, Tommy! All dressed up. All grown up and doing the town. Look at this Tommy. Tommy! Oh. OH! Tommy!
DEVITO (to CONWAY and HILL)
Oh shit, I forgot you were having a party for him, lemme go say hello.
BATTS
Come here!
DEVITO
Hey Billy, how ya doin' Billy?
BATTS
Get over here, I haven't seen you in six fuckin' years. Jesus Christ Almighty. You look terrific.
(Tommy walks over and Billy, too aggressively, grabs Tommy around the neck. Tommy doesn't like it.)
DEVITO
Watch the suit, watch the suit!
BATTS
Watch the suit? You little prick, ya. Hey I've known you all my life. Don't go gettin' too big on me now.
DEVITO
Alright, good. Just don't go bustin' my balls, Billy, okay?
BATTS
Hey, Tommy, if I was gonna break your balls, I'd tell ya to go home and get your shine box.
(Tommy's smile turns to a glare as he realizes Billy is making fun of him. The men at the bar are roaring with laughter. His girl is looking glumly at her shoes.)
This kid was great. They used to call him "Spitshine Tommy." I swear to God. Oh, he'd make your shoes look like fucking mirrors. Excuse my language. He was terrific, he was the best. And he made a lot of money, too. Salut, Tommy!
DEVITO
No more shines, Billy.
BATTS
What?
DEVITO
I said no more shines. Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away for a long time, they didn't go up there and tell you. I don't shine shoes any more.
BATTS
Relax, will ya, for cryin' out... wha-what's got into you? I'm breaking your balls a little bit, that's all. I'm only kidding with you.
DEVITO
Sometimes you don't sound like you're kidding, y'know, there's a lot of people around here.
BATTS
Tommy, I'm only kidding with you. We're having a party. I mean, I just came home, I haven't seen you in a long time and I'm breaking your balls, and now you're getting fuckin' fresh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
DEVITO
I'm sorry, too, it's okay, no problem.
BATTS
Salute.
(He pulls his glass to his lips, tips it, then reconsiders and puts it back on the table.)
BATTS
(Calmly, deliberately) Now go home and get your fuckin' shine box.
DEVITO
(slams his glass onto the ground, exploding) Motherfucking mutt! You, you, fucking piece of shit!
(Hill pushes Devito away from Batts and gets him to the door)
BATTS
Yeah, yeah. Come on, come on, come on!
DEVITO
(being pushed back and out of the door by Hill) Henry, he bought his fucking button! That fake old tough guy. You bought your fucking button, you fake old tough guy. You, you motherfuck! Fuck, keep that motherfucker here, keep him here!
(Devito leaves with Lisa)
BATTS
(to his crew) Take it easy, take it easy. Don't get nervous. (To Hill and Devito) Let him go, let him go. (To Devito) Come on, ya fucking feel strong?
HILL
(trying to defuse the situation) Batts, Batts, I'm sorry, Tommy gets a little loaded. He doesn't mean any disrespect.
BATTS
He don't mean any disrespect, Henry? Are you nuts? Teach this kid a little fuckin' manners. Hey Jimmy, what's right is right. You understand what I'm talkin' 'bout?
CONWAY
It's alright, it's alright.
BATTS
I mean the kid's over here, we're hugging and kissing up here, and two minutes later he's acting like a fuckin' jerk.
CONWAY
Nah, nah, nah, nah, you insulted him a little bit, you got a little out of order yourself.
BATTS
No, I didn't.
CONWAY
You insulted him a little bit.
BATTS
No, I didn't insult nobody. Give us a drink, give us a drink.
CONWAY
(sardonically) Okay.
HILL
(sensing an opportunity to move on)
Come on, let's have some drinks, alright? Drinks on the house. Come on, lemme get them.
BATTS
No, have the drink with me.
HILL
No, no, no, no.
CONWAY
Billy, Billy, the drinks are on... the house.
HILL
Go on, put it on the house.
BATTS
(to his crew) I fucked kids like that
in the can in the ass. Fucking break up my party.
(Time advances. We're shown the last non-mob clients leaving the bar, as Devito re-enters. Hill looks up and rushes over to him. Batts is drunkenly ranting to Conway.)
CONWAY
It's changed, now. You've been away for six years, everything is different.
BATTS
I did my time, Jimmy. I did my fuckin' time, I come home, and I want what I wanna get. I got fuckin' mouths to feed. You understand?
CONWAY
(acquiescing) You're gonna get it. You're gonna get it.
(BATTS senses trouble and looks around to see Devito. Conway grabs his arms from behind and Devito floors him with a punch. The two begin pummeling him as he lays prone.)
CONWAY
Get the door!
DEVITO
(almost crying) I'mma shoot him in his big fuckin' mouth! Let's shoot 'im!
(He goes to shoot Batts with a snub-nose revolver, but Conway knocks it out of his hand.)
(Hill pulls two tablecloths from their tables to transport Batts's body.)
CONWAY
Fucking mutt dented my shoes.
HILL
His crew's gonna looking for him.
(They roll Batts's body onto the sheets)
This is fuckin' bad. What're we gonna do with him? We can't just dump him out in the street.
CONWAY
Don't worry, don't worry. I know a place upstate, they'll never find him. C'mon, let's get some more tablecloths.
DEVITO
(almost delirious) I didn't wanna get blood on your floor.
