Sophomooreik - Myndstate. [tekst, tłumaczenie i interpretacja piosenki]

I am nothing but a speck of paint on the blank canvas of life
In the gallery of the universe where it hangs in my sight
I've distanced myself I might admire it like I find it quite nice
Then slash the canvas with my hands wrapped around the handles of knives
That's fucking life's life up for damaging mine
In other words without destruction this is bland, I survive
By creating slices in my reality till I actually find
A way to easily, as a whole, manage it I'm
Not...good
Sitting here like "How does my mind work?"
Stuck in the darkness so I search
For the light
But when I find it I stare at it till my eyes hurt
Now I'm always seeing darkness
Like I'm blind
I guess... too much of a good thing will kill ya
Still ya
Chase waterfalls hoping it will fill the
Black hole in your soul you know won't heal by itself
You think maybe it's your genes holding you down like your needing a belt
So without thinking twice or pleading for help
You pack your bags up and proceed to flee from yourself
That shit isn't healthy
Believe it or not
All you need is to stop
Believing it's the easiest option
And that if you ignore it for long enough it'll go away
That's like getting cut and just praying that the bleeding will stop
Instead of bandaging it up
But shit why listen to me?
You scream at the screen like "Shit! I've had it, enough!"
Take a blade to take the pain away but panicked you cut
One of your main arteries and as you stand in your blood
You claim
I just wanted to be easing the pain
But now the light of day is something you won't be seeing again
But I ain't saying that I'm always up and rearing to go
Cause my fear is that no
One will remember me being here when I'm ghost
And... death is on my mind 24/7
Patiently waiting for heaven
Basically pacing and stressing
But I don't wanna die
Shit, if I did it would only take me a second
Go to the kitchen open a drawer and place a blade to my neck and

...Question
Where were u when the person you once knew died?
I thought I killed him, he convinced me to do crime
Afterwards, I thought I would happily be given a new mind
But I'm locked up in my old mind my brain cells is where I do time
Still they're telling me that shits great
But you would know that shit ain't if your mind was in this place
Always acting like a dickhead unil I realised my own medicine has a shit taste
...What is real though?
I'd kick the bucket if the shoe fits and if the shoe was steel toed
I still don't
Know what I got
Yeah, a lot on my mind but I'm not minding a lot
I wanna feel the fear of flying then drop
Still wanna feel the tears from crying and not
Disappear
Cause that's what being human is
Been alive for like 16 years and I still haven't got used to it
Always on edge I avoid to try relaxing myself
Fell off the edge tried to keep my mind state intact as I fell
Landed on the battlefield wasn't acting very tactical hell
I'm going to war , load up a gun and point it back at myself
They tell me to stay safe but I ain't about that cautious malark
Yeah life's a bitch but not one I'd take for a walk in the park
Imma put her down cause there's not a lot I like
About her
They say that opposites attracted but sanity is not my type
So slowly but surely I lost my mind like
Where's your head at
Looked at my reflection in a shattered mirror and a pair of soulless eyes stared back
I'm scared that
I will never know who I is
Myself knows Me but he doesn't really like him
I know, I am at the point of no return because now myself I hate
But am I defined by the bad decisions that I make
I keep going, trying to ignore all of the signs, great!
But I know it's a one way street I have to drive down to escape
Myndstate