At the police station. The sergeant and the policeman - 20 to 24 men - are sitting around idly and despondently.
SERGEANT
The police were formed, so we are told,
when the Pharaohs ruled in days of old,
how then in our enlightened civilisation
can men exist without a police station?
SERGEANT and POLICEMEN
But for all our application
We receive but tribulation,
They pay us most unfairly
and good bribes are offered rarely.
SERGEANT
Where could we make the extra bob,
If we didn't fiddle on the job?
POLlCEMEN
Where could we make the extra bob,
if we didn't fiddle on the job?
SERGEANT
Sun and moon in turn give light,
the stars they twinkle but at night.
POLICEMEN
Hey!
SERGEANT
But a policeman's always on the job,
come rain or tempest, drought or fog.
SERGEANT and POLICEMEN
But for all our application
we receive but tribulation,
they pay us most unfairly
and good bribes are offered rarely.
SERGEANT
Where could we make the extra bob,
if we didn't fiddle on the job?
POLICEMEN
Where could we make the extra bob,
if we didn't fiddle on the job?
SERGEANT
That's why a sergeant vigil keeps all night
and why his aspect is a dreadful sight,
to cause in nihilists fear and agitation,
preserving peace and quiet for the nation.
But for all our application
we receive but tribulation,
they pay us most unfairly
and good bribes are offered rarely!
POLICEMEN
Hey! And for all, hey, our, hey, application, hey,
hey, we receive, hey, but, hey, tribulation, hey!
Hey! They pay us, hey, hey, most unfairly, hey,
and good, hey, bribes, hey, hey, are offered, hey, rarely!
SERGEANT
Where could we make the extra bob,
if we didn't fiddle on the job?
POLICEMEN
Where could we make the extra bob,
if we didn't fiddle on the job?
SERGEANT
There's a real feast now at the Ismailov's,
that hussy's getting married
and she hasn't invited me.
I'll get even with her,
for getting married without the authorities.
I'll get even with her,
for getting married without the authorities.
POLICEMEN
That's right, we'll all get even with her!
SERGEANT
If only we had a pretext,
although a pretext can always be found.
POLICEMEN
That's right, one can always be found.
A policeman enters leading a teacher. The teacher looks scared. The policeman and the sergeant jump to their feet and start looking interested.
POLICEMAN
I've caught a socialist.
POLICEMEN
A! I! O! U! Y!
Ho, ho, ho!
SERGEANT
Ho, ho, ho!
POLICEMAN
He says, your honour, he doesn't believe in God.
TEACHER
God does ... exist...
SERGEANT
to the teacher
Shut up!
POLICEMEN
Ho, ho, he!
POLICEMAN
And he talks about frogs...
SERGEANT
What frogs?
TEACHER
I started wondering
why only man should possess a soul
and why frogs shouldn't have one too.
So I took a frog and examined it.
SERGEANT
Well?
TEACHER
It has a soul,
only a very small one and it's not immortal …
SERGEANT
Lock him up!
TEACHER
Sorry, God does exist, God does exist!
POLICEMEN
Ho, ho, ho!
The policemen take the teacher away and then return.
SERGEANT
That's that.
Silence again and an air of boredom.
The police were formed, so we are told...
But there's a real feast now at the Ismailov's.
POLICEMEN
Ah!
SERGEANT
That's where we'd get something good,
only we've no excuse for going! Ah!
Enter shabby peasant.
SHABBY PEASANT
Your honour!
SERGEANT
What do you want?
SHABBY PEASANT
Something's happened...
SERGEANT
What's happened?
SHABBY PEASANT
At the Ismailov's...
SERGEANT
At the Ismailov's? Ho, ho!
POLICEMEN
Ho, ho, ho!
SHABBY PEASANT
There's a corpse in the cellar...
POLICEMEN
Ho, ho, ho!
The policemen and the sergeant get up and cheerfully set off.
SERGEANT
What a godsend!
POLICEMEN
Ho, ho, ho!
SERGEANT
Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry,
then we'll have no cause to worry,
won't get blamed for inattention
in a serious situation!
POLICEMEN
Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry,
then we'll have no cause to worry,
won't get blamed for inattention
in a serious situation!
SERGEANT
Quicker, quicker, quicker, quicker,
we might get free food and liquor,
stuff ourselves until we're sick,
so we'll hurry, hurry quick!
POLICEMEN
Quicker, quicker, quicker, quicker,
we might get free food and liquor,
stuff ourselves until we're sick,
so we'll hurry, hurry quick!
