[Marlo]
Dissing me for balding blatantly
‘Cause you wished that your ginger wife actually shared the same fate as me
[Shuffle-T]
You’re right, I am a speech enthusiast
And it’s never fiction
It’s more like your Dad ‘cause when I rap my meth addiction (method diction)
[Marlo]
Now Lush assured us that we were gonna get plenty of ass on the West Coast
Even went as far as to offer us his family members
Well since our plane landed, you will not believe the action we’re tasting
I met a chick yesterday at ??? station
Her rack was amazing and she was Asian
We started chatting away and she asked me back to her place
‘Cause she needed some help getting her mattress inflated
Anyway, I showed her a picture of my girlfriend and said I’m happily taken
WELL-MANNERED BRITS!
She started backing away then gave me a double thumbs up and started randomly waving
[Shuffle-T]
Cali’s amazing
Especially when you’re as awesome as this
Yesterday went to talk to a chick, awkward as shit
Four minutes in, boring the bitch
But let’s just say, the oral was sick
By which I mean she was orally sick
Caustic ya prick!
You look like you’ve been drawing your beard on with a marker tip
Your facial hair is worse than Marlo’s is
You look like John Turturro in Barton Fink if he went apple bobbing in a barber’s sink
Hey Dan, great performance against Charlie Clips
Fuckin’ idiot! It was the total opposite
The only bit I liked from that chokathon was this
Seven minutes 17 seconds, go and watch the clip
You go to bop his fist but he don’t respond with his
So you just hang for a second and drop pathetically like Wile E. Coyote floating off the cliff
And that rejection probably sent him into seething pain
‘Cause being self-obsessed is in his DNA
And guess what America? I’m not gonna rhyme that with Aaliyah’s plane
Why does everybody keep rhyming shit with Aaliyah’s plane?
That was 13 fuckin’ years ago that scheme is played
Stop bringing it up or you’ll be going down--
[Marlo]
Like Aaliyah’s plane!
Now I didn’t want to be the one to pass the message
But you’re both getting old and you can’t accept it
You still getting on your little skateboards, Dan?
Still trying to shred it?
You can’t really go on a skateboard anymore can you? You’re far too heavy
That’s why I said it
Both of them are trying to grab on to their youthful cheer
Dan uses slang he doesn’t know hasn’t been used for years
Walks up like “What’s up daddio, what’s the scoop in here? You guys have been out skateboarding? TUBULAR!”
And your music video to “Concentrate”
You got that shit poppin’, Dan
You’ve even got Caustic downing a beer at the end and then he flips off the cam
Yeah, you’ve still got it, lads
That’s why Dan’s our biggest supporter at nearly 33
It started off on his show just kind of inadvertently
But now he’s basically like our really pushy parent
Enforcing the strictest work regime
“Come on guys, that really didn’t fuckin’ work for me
This is our fifth rehearsal, let’s see a bit of urgency”
Every battle that we’re in he’s standing in the wing
Goes all Joe Jackson with a stick if we’re not spitting perfectly
He waves his fist frustrated if we skip a word ’cause he thinks we did it purposefully
And then his face goes like Anchorman’s son, a little Burgundy
The last time a parent pushed me that hard she was in a surgery, lying on her back fuckin’ giving birth to me
He watches over us like we’re kids in nursery
Trying to use us only so to live out his disturbing dream
Stop trying to recapture your youth through us you sick, perverted freak
‘Cause we’re fighting back this time like a Prince of Persia scene
How’s it going, Pinocchio?
Fuckin’ nose like a Toblerone
You need a reality check if you’re planning again to go in exposing mode
I mean if every single fuckin’ week your own kid’s at home exposed to you
Stoned on ya homie’s show or posing drunk before a battle trying to pose like it’s totally dope
You need to question as a parent if you’ve shown him the ropes, you know?
‘Cause your role model levels, lower than poRICH’s vocal tone
This is the guy they call the career ender
More like the fuckin’ tattletale who’ll say anything to get them to listen
Caustic brings up your alleged convictions
And then he’ll sketch a description so that a sentence is given
But it’s not detention or prison, it’s dealt in a written
And even two posh guys from Reading in Britain can tell that it’s snitchin’
It’s as if all he’s doing is embellishing wisdom
But he brought up the way Jeffy was living
So attention was driven from his own tensions with women
You ignore your own problems by taking your enemies shit and exposing them in an instance
But he’s developed addiction
Worse than Dirtbag’s Dad with his meth in the kitchen
You ever think they way you act with leave effects on your infant?
Like he won’t see Daddy doing drugs and remember it hit him?
Though he thinks he dealing justice that’s just his devils within him
Trying to find a place to hide away from his own pathetic existence
And whilst we’re here, on the West Coast, in neutral grounds, in the Western Contingent
We thought we’d put our diplomatic ties to work
‘Cause frankly, all this silly international bother has got us sad and kind of hurt
So before Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan and Dan recite their third
Organik, we want to put this Don’t Flop spat behind us first
Shuffle! What’s that you have inside your shirt?
A peace treaty!
Gee, really?
And it’s signed by Eurgh
Whoa!
Now Dizaster, this isn’t laminated
And it’s our only copy
So if you can oblige, sir
Now Organik
Fuck it, Lush
If you can sign here, we can have a night of mirth
And some fireworks
Sorted, BOLA
The war is over
Woo!
[Dirtbag Dan and Caustic]
These fuckin’ 90-pound pussies talking real greezy
You better be ready to turn up
You do fuckin’ three minutes about me and Jeff and then you start bringing his girl up
Yo, if you bring up my fuckin’ son I’ma punch you in your nuts
Do you follow soccer, by the way? No, you should have wore your World Cup
These fuckin’ queens did a battle where they licked the cream out of Oreos
That shit wouldn’t be gayer if you filmed the whole thing through a glory hole
You just do whatever Eurgh tells you to, honestly, what the fuck for?
Sure, Shuffle can get the cream off a cookie faster
We both know which one of you sucks more
So wait
Y’all just ate the middle of the cookie? I don’t think that’s the way it should be
Bunch of white guys eating the white part of the cookie?
I dunno, that shit sounds pretty fuckin’ racist to me
Well I bought some Oreos today and I’ve got just the plan
Let’s do a web redemption since we’re up on cam
Before we finish this round, one of you eats one of these fuckin’ cookies like a fuckin’ man
Anybody? Cookie? Biscuit? Biscuits?
And y’all trying to be the fuckin’ champs?
Shit, Peter and Greg will put y’all to shame
Look it’s Adam and Theo
More like Adam and the old ball and chain
Yo, I can’t wait for the day your little relationship finally ends
‘Cause one would die without the other
You’re basically fuckin’ Siamese friends
Is this how you wanna spend the rest of your future?
Your best friend’s a loser, a desperate moocher, surviving off your talent and your sense of humor
This is Hollywood, Shuffle
I brought you out here to make maneuvers
I’ve been to that shitty country you’re from I know you want to escape your future
Your father basically lives at the pub but you can’t blame him for being a daytime boozer
‘Cause your mom’s a typical British bitch
She got big old tits with a face like Cruger’s
That’s ‘cause her ancestors are incesters
That’s the problem with your country, fam
Your aunt’s father’s were in sisters
So your Grandmother looks like a fuckin’ man
Wait a minute, Dan
Since we’re battling British kids don’t you think we should put it in some shit they can understand?
Okay
Shuffle’s Nan has supple cans but her face resembles Russell Brand
That’s fuckin’ disgusting, you couldn’t pay me to stuff her clam
Don’t be in such a rush now, Dan
I mean on the other hand
A nice guy like me could stomach Shuffle’s nan
For a couple grand I’ll fuck the bitch dressed like I’m fuckin’ Uncle Sam
America! Fuck yeah!
You’ll hear the rockets red glare when they cockin’ and spray
It’s a revolution so when it’s party time, I’ma throw T off the Dock Of The Bay
I’m like Daniel Boone when those cannons boom
I’m like Davy Crockett when I wave these rockets
I’m like George Washington when I…
Dan, you’re not fuckin’ George Washington, stop it
This hyper America bullshit is fuckin’ way too obnoxious
Fuck that shit, Caustic
They used to fear the beard, I lose a couple battles and now I’m doubted?
It’s like y’all forgot who burned down Ness Lee’s house just so I could write a fuckin’ round about it
Sorry, Ness!
You beat us in a dream you better wake up and apologize
He’s holding back your character, you basically Han Solo in the carbonite
You couldn’t walk a mile in his shoes
You couldn’t fill an inch of his condom size
It’s like without Shuffle the entire operation is compromised
It’s pretty safe to say I know where the problem lies ‘cause without you one of ‘em will not survive
I’ma give you a minute to let that sink into your head like Marlo’s eyes
Basically, as far as them bars go
Me and Caustic got stripes like a barcode
People in the back are like, “Why didn’t they write more Shuffle bars?”
Well that’s easy
‘Cause Shuffle’s fuckin’ awesome, dude
Fuck you, Marlo!
