Jacob Nash - Suicidal [tekst, tłumaczenie i interpretacja piosenki]

[hook]
I do not care about my life!
I cannot lie; I want to die!
Everybody hates me. When I'm gone, they won't miss me
I don't contribute to society; it would be better off without me
Everybody hates me. When I'm gone, they won't miss me
I don't contribute to society; it would be better off without me

[verse 1]
Do you want to know what it's like to be suicidal?
If so, listen to these lyrics for seven minutes as I'll
Tell you about what it's like to hate your life;
When you're so far gone that you're ready to die
You wake in the morning wondering "will this day be my last?"
It just might be and that doesn't sound so bad
You start to wonder what might be the cause of death
You even run some possibilities through your head
Maybe you could get a gun and fill yourself with lead
But it would make less of a mess if you hung yourself instead
You couldn't care less about when you take your last breath
You imagine your own death and see your body lying dead
You're thinking about what you'd write on a suicide note
You might even have a few that you have already wrote
You have difficulty getting yourself to get out of your bed
You're feeling like sleeping away all of your problems instead
You awake to the alarm, but you hit the snooze one more time
You should've been up by eight; now it's a quarter past nine
You just missed class for the third day in a row
You might even fail this class. It's not a big deal though
Because you don't really care about anything that happens in your life
You're seriously considering stabbing yourself with a knife
But so far, you've only used it for cutting yourself at night
You've got scars all over your wrists that you try to keep out of sight
You try to cover up the scars by wearing hoodies
Or at least some kind of a shirt that has long sleeves
You can't tell anyone about your problems
Because you don't want to become a reason for concern
But, you know that any day now you could die
You're surprised you've gone this long without attempting suicide
Years of wanting to die, but you still haven't tried
Whenever you get close, you think of your mama crying

[hook]

[verse 2]
Now, let me tell you a story, so gather all the children
One bad day and this could actually happen
I ordered a pistol on the internet and it came through the mail
It took some time to arrive, but it came after a while
The delivery guy brought it to the door. I should "Thank you" for
Delivering the pistol, which I put on the floor
I put it under the bed. I'll take it out when I need it
With my state of mind, it shouldn't be long before I use it
Sure enough, within a week after it arrived
A day had already come when I was ready to die
It only took a moment for me to write out
A will for my possessions along with a suicide note
But I couldn't commit suicide in the middle of the day
I had to wait for a time when everyone else was away
I'll do it when they're asleep, in the middle of the night
I'll put the note on the table for them to find in the morning light
Then, I'll bring the pistol with me out in the dark
I'll walk through a field until I've reached my mark;
That's where I decided that I'd take my last breath
That's where I decided that I'd meet up with death
I got to my destination after walking a couple of miles
I took the pistol out of my pocket, then I stopped for a while
I thought about how this was going to be the last night of my life
I figured that I'm ready to die, so I guess that's alright
But I may as well make the most of my last moments on earth
Before I get blood on my shirt and fall in the dirt
I took some deep breaths and felt the wind on my face
On my own out in the field was such a peaceful place
When I decided where to this, I'd say I picked the right place
But then I thought about my family and my heart started to race
How I could I abandon those closest to me like this?
I've got to get to that note before they find out about this

[hook]

[verse 3]
I'm sick of everybody, myself included, being so fake
Acting like everything's good, putting on a smiling face
That's what I've been doing, even though my life's at stake
How can everything be okay in a world full of hate?
It can't, it isn't, and it will never be okay to be honest
But most people out there don't even want to hear honesty
Honesty is actually discouraged in our society
So when I say I want to die, everybody starts looking down on me
It's as if I'm screaming some kind of vulgarity
The truth happens to hurt, so everybody avoids it entirely
Ignorance is bliss, so lets just ignore the reality
And I suppose I'll be silent about my suicidal mentality
I'll pretend that life's good and that I've been living happily
Even though my life is a mess and I'm stressed with anxiety
When I'm living like this, it's hard for me to write with variety
All that ever goes through my head are thoughts of fatality
Maybe I should just find someone else to start writing for me
So that I can rap some lyrics that aren't written so angrily
But I'd rather not ask anyone else to do my writing
I'm okay with being dark. I've got to be rapping about something
And to me, dark music is usually entertaining
And it could be worse. I could be rapping about pimping and killing
Well, I do talk about killing, but not killing other people anyway
And I'll never let myself say "killing yourself is okay."
Even though I feel like killing myself any of these days
Why am I even doing this? Nobody is going to hear it anyway
Beacuse I'd have to find some way for me to become famous
And for that, I have to keep myself alive long enough to release this
And who really wants to hear someone rap about their own death?
Most would rather hear me rap about life instead
And maybe something happy that would be good for the radio
But I'd rather be me and I'm darker than other rappers you may know

[outro]
I made this song to let you know
That you're not alone. You're not the only one
Don't kill yourself. It'll be okay
Tomorrow will be a whole new day
Don't kill yourself. It'll be okay
Tomorrow will be a whole new day
Don't kill yourself. It'll be okay
Tomorrow will be a whole new day
Don't kill yourself. It'll be okay
Tomorrow will be a whole new day