[Princeton]
Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?
[Kate]
Sure
[Princeton]
Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?
[Kate]
Uh huh
[Princeton]
Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster
[Kate]
Right
[Princeton]
You're both Monsters
[Kate]
Yeah
[Princeton]
Are you two related?
[Kate]
What? Princeton! I'm surprised at you! I find that racist
[Princeton]
Oh, well, I'm sorry, I was just asking
[Kate]
Well, it's a touchy subject
No, not all monsters are related
What are you trying say, huh?
That we all look the same to you?
Huh, huh, huh?
[Princeton]
No, no, no, oh, not at all
I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist
[Kate]
I should say so
You should be much more careful
When you're talking about the sensitive subject of race
[Princeton]
Well, look who's talking!
[Kate]
What do you mean?
[Princeton]
What about that special Monster school you told me about?
[Kate]
What about it?
[Princeton]
Could someone like me go there?
[Kate]
No, we don't want people like you
[Princeton]
Ha ha ha ha ha, you see?
You're a little bit racist
[Kate]
Well, you're a little bit too
[Princeton]
I guess we're both a little bit racist
[Kate]
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do
[Princeton]
But I guess it's true
[Kate]
Between me and you
[Both]
I think everyone's a little bit racist sometimes
Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind
Maybe it's a fact we all should face
Everyone makes judgments based on race
[Princeton]
No, not big judgments, like who to hire
Or who to buy a newspaper from
[Kate]
No
[Princeton]
No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican
Busboys should learn to speak goddamn English
[Kate]
Right!
[Both]
Everyone's a little bit racist today
So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay
Ethnic jokes might be uncouth
But you laugh because they're based on truth
Don't take them as personal attacks
Everyone enjoys them, so relax
[Princeton]
All right, stop me if you've heard this one
[Kate]
Okay!
[Princeton]
Alright there's a plane going down
And there's only one parachute
And there's a Rabbi, a priest
[Kate]
And a black guy!
[Gary]
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?
[Kate]
Uh....
[Gary]
You were telling a black joke
[Princeton]
Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes
[Gary]
I don't!
[Princeton]
Well, of course you don't, you're black
But I bet you tell polack jokes, right?
[Gary]
Well, sure I do, those stupid polacks, ha ha ha
[Princeton]
Now, don't you think that's a little racist?
[Gary]
Well, damn, I guess you're right
[Kate]
You're a little bit racist
[Gary]
Well, you're a little bit too
[Princeton]
We're all a little bit racist!
[Gary]
I think that I would have to agree with you
[Kate & Princeton]
We're glad you do
[Gary]
It's sad but true
[All]
Everyone's a little bit racist, all right
All right
All right
All right
[Gary]
Bigotry has never been
Exclusively white
[All]
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit
Even though we all know that it's wrong
Maybe it would help us get along
[Princeton]
Oh, Christ do I feel good?
[Gary]
Now there was a fine upstanding black man
[Kate & Princeton]
Who?
[Gary]
Jesus Christ
[Kate]
But, Gary, Jesus was white
[Gary]
No, Jesus was black
[Kate]
No, Jesus was white
[Gary]
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black
[Princeton]
Guys, guys, Jesus was jewish
[All]
*laughter*
[Brian]
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
[Gary]
Racism
[Brian]
Cool
[Christmas Eve]
Brian come back here
You take out lecycuraburs
[Princeton]
What's that mean?
[Brian]
Um, recyclables
[Kate, Princeton and Gary]
*laughter*
[Brian]
Hey, don't laugh at her
How many languages do you speak?
[Kate]
Oh, come off it, Brian
Everyone's a little bit racist
[Brian]
I'm not
[Princeton]
Oh no?
[Brian]
Nope
How many oriental wives
Have you got?
[Christmas Eve]
What? Brian
[Princeton]
Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American
[Christmas Eve]
I know you are no intending to be
But calling me oriental, offensive to me
[Brian]
I'm sorry, honey, I love you
[Christmas Eve]
And I love you
[Brian]
But you're racist, too
[Christmas Eve]
Yes, I know
The Jews have all the money
And the whites have all the power
And I'm always in taxi cab
With driver who no shower
[Kate]
Me too
[Princeton and possibly Brian]
Me too
[Gary]
I can't even get a taxi!
[All]
Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true
But everyone is just about as racist as you
If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit
And everyone stopped being so P.C
Maybe we could live in harmony
[Christmas Eve]
Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist
